I was diagnosed by the British National Health Service as suffering from Persistent Delusional Disorder in 2004, and spent two short periods of compulsory stay in hospitals after being sectioned under the Mental Health Act. The first time I was in hospital was in 2004 and the next time in 2008. Since then I have spent time a long time reflecting over my mental condition to understand what happened to me since 1997 when my scientific career ended amid the charge by the University of Greenwich that I was blameworthy of gross misconduct in my dealings with my colleagues and superiors. This was subsequently corroborated by numerous internet discussion boards who banned me from membership for disrupting their boards and for holding views that they found unpalatable. So indeed there was something wrong with me. What was it? Is it still there?
Some people like to clarify their minds of uncertainty and confusion that they have acquired through upbringing and education or that which surrounds one for no one can read another living being’s mind. Others are happy to live in confusion or delude themselves that it does not exist. I do something about uncertainty and confusion. I probe out what is real. My mind would never rest when there were questions on basic things that I am not certain of. I need to find out what the precise reality that surrounded me and this I do through probing people persistently with questions and suggestions and reacting in a way that expose the inadequacies of those people’s arguments or reveal their intentions, vested interests, prejudices or simply ignorance. This annoys people. For poking them in their comfort zones they have in the past labelled me with bad terms and banned me from their societies. In other words they they could not tolerate my quest for the truth. Even political parties like the British Liberal Democrats Party stopped talking to me for my probing exposed their mendacities. People do not like that for they have livelihoods and ambitions for which they carve out agendas that they serve. When their true nature is exposed they will go silent or find ways of denigrating and ostracising you. They were all put in their place because my standards of conduct were set too high. The highest level is that attained through satya-advaita of truth accomodation in which transparency is of the utmost importance. I cannot tolerate suppression of the truth. Truth must come out.
What I found from experience is the persistent delusional disorder is the name given to someone embroiled in intense truth search, and that this condition is terribly exacerbated particularly when the person is afflicted by the God delusion in that God is running the affairs of the world. This invariably comes from an an upbringing in religion. Truth search examines everything including whether the presence of God is real or unreal. It requires persistence of truth-seeking to shrug off the delusion that a God exists that monitors and guides our living outlook and deeds. When the mind attains clarity on issues including the falsity that such a God exists one needs to live to it which moves one towards serenity and peace of mind. A non-existent perceived God was the source of all the crazy things that I did which caused the United Kingdom authorities to incarcerate me in a mental hospital twice and label me subsequently with the tag of ‘persistent delusional disorder’. But it was nothing to worry about as a mental sickness. The only treatment for it is truth, not medication or other more severe forms of medical procedures.
So today I know that the world is a bad place with intolerant human beings of self interest and ignorance and this is what domininates human relationships and conduct. I have therefore decided in my enlightenment that that I have done enough searching now and as I like to think of myself as an emancipated researcher, I must retrench into my cubby hole away from the world for ignorance is terribly difficult to counter and argue with. I will just communicate my views through my blogs. Now I will not communicate with anyone directly unless they make the first move towards establising a dialogue on any topic. All I need in this world for companionship that might relieve the boredom and liven me up into giving me the motivation to live and enjoy myself during the rest of my life might be a regular supply of Scotch Whisky, and possibly some tobacco.
Thus, I say that I am a human being with the condition ‘satya-advaitism‘, that incorporates intense satyagraha, or agitation for the truth to attain clarity of mind. Clearly, this is only possible through the expression of what medical people call ‘persistent delusional disorder’. The disorder is a process that works to sieve out the truth on any topic that comes in the way of the person.
I record this self-diagnosis in my blogsite today for transparency so people know who they are dealing with when they communicate with me.
9 January 2013 Update: Scotch Whisky and tobacco was just a passing thought that I have so far resisted the temptation of. This evening a new thought of keeping fit with regular jogging to shed 2 stone in weight with diet control has taken hold of my imagination so that I wish to look forward to a healthy body as my next project imposed on myself while I look for better employment possibilities. Watch this space folks!: https://shantanup.wordpress.com/2013/02/10/dr-shantanu-panigrahi-starts-dieting-and-exercising-to-lose-weight-and-keep-fit-at-57-years-of-age/.
14 February 2013: I joined the United Kingdom Independence Party to tidy up a loose end in my truth search. There is another major loose end to tidy up in respect of Kent Police’s investigation of criminal actions against me that I have reported. There are minor uncertainties on how to improve my health-fitness and go about securing a better job. But on the main issues of living-philosophy, no more persistence of truth search is needed. There are no delusions afflicting the mind now. The mind is ordered. I am cured of my mental turmoil and confusion from a personal study of evolutionary biology, humanity and the God-delusion. I know for certain that there is no personal God because I tested severely for the existence of one. I can therefore speak with authority on this and associated subjects that humans have to face.